# Nice Day for a Picnic

By Sean Klein.

Wally wanted a bipolar fornoculator for an army surplus Scud we picked up on the black market so George and I decide to make a day of it and have a picnic. It's spring so why waste a trip to the dump just to scavenge? I pack lunch for both of us; a meatloaf sandwich and an orange for me; and for George, a big bunch of bananas and about two pounds of grapes.

Maybe I'd better explain about George. George is my best friend. He's a bioengineered gorilla that the Jammers, that's us (the good guys), rescued from them, the Architects of the Flesh (the bad guys). We found George in the dump and nursed him back to health after the Architects abandoned him as a "failed experiment". Since then, he's been one-hundred percent Jammer.

Maybe I d better explain about Wally, too. Wally's a genius. He's got more brains than two of me'll ever have. I do stuff for him 'cause without Wally, and the rest of the Jammers, I'd be mopping floors for ten hours a day in some Buro factory. And the food's much better when you're a Jammer. Speaking of which, I also got me and George a big container of Uncle Huey's rice pudding for dessert. "A quart?" the girl at the Uncle Huey's store asked. "Yeah, a quart," I said. She doesn't have to share with an eight- hundred pound gorilla.

George and I are about to leave and he asks me if I remembered to bring the silverware. I forget them last time. He asks me in sign language. Gorillas can't talk. Even I know that.

"Don't worry, buddy, it's right here," I tell him. I open the picnic basket, George peers in, sees the silverware, smiles a big monkey smile. I like to see George happy 'cause he suffered a lot back with the Architects.

We take one of the Jammer trucks over to the dump. I drive but I let George pick which radio station to listen to. I always drive, but I bet if the Buro gave driver's licenses to gorillas, George would drive sometimes and let me pick the radio station.

At the dump I show the dump guy my fake pass and we go right in. I drive around to the back where there's lots of good electronic gear - old stereos and computer parts, used appliances, cool stuff like that. George and I get out and start searching for the fornoculator. After hunting for a while George says he's feeling a little peckish so we knock off and have lunch.

George and I take our time with lunch, enjoying the sunshine and cool spring breeze. He finishes his grapes by tossing them one at a time into the air and catching them in his mouth.

"Ready for pudding?" I ask and George nods. And right then we get ambushed by a big bunch of abominations. A few of them try to pile onto George but it's hard to keep a good gorilla down. He grabs one by the legs and uses it as a club against the others. I nudge the pudding to a safe spot then grab a handy chainsaw from the junk pile.

I cut down several abominations and look over at George. He's mad. I can tell he's mad 'cause he picks up an old fridge and throws it at another bunch of demons running at us. I scramble for the picnic basket hoping someone left a handy carbine or fusion rifle in there but all I find is a Jammer-issue cellular phone. Behind me I hear gunfire. Some of it is coming from George's cybernetically-embedded submachine guns but the rest is from the abominations. I keep my head low and call for help.

Another wave of abominations start to pile onto George while I'm waiting for someone to answer. One of them gets knocked back, and - I can't believe it - steps into the rice pudding.

"It stepped in the rice pudding!" I yell to George over the gunfire and explosions. I know George hears me 'cause he goes from mad to furious. He bares his big gorilla fangs and lets loose with a bigger gorilla yell. He's no longer content just to shoot and break heads. He starts ripping off limbs. Abomination parts fly everywhere.

Wally finally answers the phone and asks, "Did you find that fornoculator?"

"Wally," I say, "we need a little help here."

"How hard is to find a bipolar fornoculator?"

"Wally," I shout, "we really really need some help down here!"

"Have George help you. He knows what one looks like."

"Wall-lee!" I scream, "Listen!" I lift the phone above my head so he can hear the explosions but a stray bullet shatters it into a zillion pieces.

A grenade explodes nearby and the force knocks me into a crater. I m ready to scramble for cover when I see it, in front of me - a bipolar fornoculator - sitting there like in a museum, or on the home shopping channel.

Another explosion. I feel something grip the back of my shirt and I m lifted into the grip of big gorilla arms. George hugs me tight and takes off for the truck.

Wally's waiting for us when we get back to Jammer headquarters. "Did you get me that fornoculator?" he asks.

I smile and reach into my pocket but nothing's there and I think about the bipolar fornoculator I forgot to grab. Darn! I really gotta stop forgetting things.

Shadowfist and Feng Shui: The Shadowfist Roleplaying Game as well as all characters described therein are copyrights and trademarks of Daedalus Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.

Last modified: September 19, 1996;